What to Do in the Middle of a Tantrum—Staying Grounded in the Storm

Even with the best preparation, tantrums still happen. Your child’s brain may be flooded with emotions and unable to access logic, words, or impulse control. In these moments, your role is not to control—but to guide, protect, and hold the container.

1. Parental Communication is Key

When both caregivers are on the same page, children feel safer and parents feel more confident. Set aside time to discuss your approach to discipline and emotional support. Use shared language, shared values, and a united approach.

2. Self-Regulation First

You can’t guide a child through dysregulation if you are dysregulated yourself. Pause. Breathe. Step away briefly if needed. Children feel our nervous system—our calm, not our words, is what soothes them.

3. Set Shared Family Language

Create simple, repeatable phrases everyone uses:

• “Our feelings are welcome AND hurting others is not.”

• “We all have big feelings sometimes.”

• “Let’s take a breath together.”

This helps children predict what’s expected and reduces shame.

4. Offer Emotional Regulation Tools

Some kids respond well to music, singing, or sensory tools.
Use tools like:

• Daniel Tiger songs (“When you feel so mad that you want to roar…”)

• Breathing buddies

• Coloring with calming music playing in the background

• Preparing a snack together

• Calm-down corners with soft lighting, stuffed animals, or art supplies

These create bridges back to regulation.

5. When Siblings Fight—Separate with Compassion

If children are hurting each other with words or actions, intervene calmly and clearly:

• "I can see you both are upset at each other, and I will not let you hurt one another. I will give you both some alone time to allow your feelings to calm down. You can play together again when you are both ready to be kind and safe."

This avoids blame while reinforcing boundaries.

6. Use Time-In, Not Time-Out

A tantrum is a cry for connection, not punishment. Find a quiet spot. Sit on the floor. Breathe. Hum. Be near but not invasive. Use phrases like:

• “I’m here with you.”

• “You’re safe.”

• “When you’re ready, I’d love to hold your hand.”

Let them guide the next step. Consent and presence matter.

7. Circle Back Later

Once the storm has passed, return to the moment with curiosity and compassion.
Ask:

• “Can you tell me what happened earlier?”

• “How were you feeling?”

• “How could I have supported you better?”

• “What can we do differently next time?”

Validate their emotions. Reaffirm your family values and the expectation of safety and kindness.

8. End with Love

Always remind them:

• “I love you.”

• “You’re doing your best.”

• “I’m proud of how you’re learning and growing.”

These moments are when trust is built.

Tantrums are not failures—they’re opportunities for connection, growth, and healing. With intention, presence, and shared language, we can raise emotionally resilient children and feel more grounded ourselves along the way.